I want my mommy!
I don’t know what’s going on with me but I feel numb. Like a zombie or a deer caught in the headlights. I think I have too many different emotions running through me and I don’t know how to deal with them.
This is a weird place. To a certain extent everything seems fine and I actually really like the place, as different as it is from “home.” But just when you think everything is OK and life is going as it should, you hear about another suicide bombing. It’s weird, on one hand I don’t want to freak out ‘cause I know that’s not going to change what’s been done or what’s going to happen, but I feel terrified and perhaps that is why I feel frozen.
Yesterday’s suicide bombing happened near where my uncle had his meeting in Microyan. It was so close he could hear the explosion. Luckily, he wasn’t hurt but if he had been one block over I don’t know if I would be recounting the same story.
I feel a mix of emotions: sadness, fear, guilt, fun, remorse, anger, bitterness and helplessness. The latter is gripping me the most because I know that I’m NOT helpless and neither is anyone else, but it’s hard not to feel this way and just want to run away.
Somehow I feel homesick. I don’t know if it’s homesickness as much as I miss John and I REALLY miss my mom. I don’t’ know how many times since yesterday I’ve thought, “I WANT MY MOMMY!” Maybe there’s a feeling of safety I feel around my mom that I don’t feel anywhere else. I mean I’d love to say I feel safe around my dad or uncle, but let’s face it, my dad loves living on the edge. Whether it be working in Afghanistan or drinking the tap water in India, he spits in the face of safety.
Where’s my mommy?! But of course I can’t always have my mommy around me. I gotta protect myself.
This is a weird place. To a certain extent everything seems fine and I actually really like the place, as different as it is from “home.” But just when you think everything is OK and life is going as it should, you hear about another suicide bombing. It’s weird, on one hand I don’t want to freak out ‘cause I know that’s not going to change what’s been done or what’s going to happen, but I feel terrified and perhaps that is why I feel frozen.
Yesterday’s suicide bombing happened near where my uncle had his meeting in Microyan. It was so close he could hear the explosion. Luckily, he wasn’t hurt but if he had been one block over I don’t know if I would be recounting the same story.
I feel a mix of emotions: sadness, fear, guilt, fun, remorse, anger, bitterness and helplessness. The latter is gripping me the most because I know that I’m NOT helpless and neither is anyone else, but it’s hard not to feel this way and just want to run away.
Somehow I feel homesick. I don’t know if it’s homesickness as much as I miss John and I REALLY miss my mom. I don’t’ know how many times since yesterday I’ve thought, “I WANT MY MOMMY!” Maybe there’s a feeling of safety I feel around my mom that I don’t feel anywhere else. I mean I’d love to say I feel safe around my dad or uncle, but let’s face it, my dad loves living on the edge. Whether it be working in Afghanistan or drinking the tap water in India, he spits in the face of safety.
Where’s my mommy?! But of course I can’t always have my mommy around me. I gotta protect myself.
posted by Gazelle at 12:21 AM
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